ben peek
« Michael Jackson Prison Tribute
Lemming »

Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen

Jun 28th, 2009 | By Ben Peek | Category: Uncategorized

Well, I thought that was alright.

Yeah, I got no complaints.

I got a few.

Yeah?

I’m not going to write a list or anything.

I seen people writing them lists. They think Michael Bay raped them.

Michael Bay?

Yeah, man, they say the plot isn’t as good.

The plot of the first film was that giant robots help you get hot girls.

Yeah, I honestly can’t tell you what the plot of the first film was. I think it was giant robots crash on Earth, intergalactic war, and why isn’t John Turturro the star of this film?

The plot of the new film isn’t even that different. Giant robots help you keep your hot girl. I wish I had a giant robot.


And John Turturro is still not the star.

What else are people complaining about?


Let me check the list.

You have a list with you?


I was kind’ve hoping you didn’t like it and I could go through the check list, saying what a tool you were, and how you were like everyone else. Unless I hated it, in which case I was just going to tick off the ones I agreed with.

You need a hobby.


Okay, how about the racism?

As a hobby?


No, in the film. Those twin robots, Mudflap and Skids.

They’re racist?


They are, I quote here, stereotypical representations of a negative African American image in which black men look a little like gorillas, have buck teeth, one of which is gold, big earns, and cannot read nor write.

Why don’t they just say they’re a negative representation of British royalty?

Cause they don’t sound British, I guess.

Well, I don’t give a shit about this one. There’s real issues of racism to be addressed in the world. Turn on the TV, see the white people. Look at the way prose doesn’t describe white skin, just leaves it as natural, Steven Spielberg’s portrayal of Germans… the green and blue robot twins in Transformers is pretty low on my needs to be addressed list for the representations of race.

You got that list on you?

Why?

I’m going through a bit of a list moment.

What else you got?

The dangling balls on Devastator.

Yeah, I laughed there too.

People hated that.

Really?

The dog fucking scene, too.

Look, if you stayed after the dog fucking scene, complaining about the giant dangling balls of a giant robot that John Turturro was forced to gaze upon is somewhat redundant.

There’s also some feel that the characterisation–

Okay, okay, that’s enough. Gimme that list.

It’s my list!

It’s gone.

I’ll make another one.

Fine, just what’s the point of these complaints? The first Transformers film wasn’t art by any means–it just didn’t suck, which given the standards of films lately, makes it seem like high fucking art, but it wasn’t that at all. It was just this amusing, expensive waste of time about giant robots and a guy who wants a girl. The characterisation was minor, the action scenes nothing special, and the giant robots giant. This one felt the same to me. A lot of money that could’ve gone towards giving people, I dunno, medicine, or water, or something like that; but it kept me entertained enough and it was what you could expect from a director who made Bad Boys, the Island, and all those other expensive, stupid films he’s made. You’re getting what you’re getting with him so why bother complaining? He’s what we made him, and his film is what society has made films into: dumb, expensive pieces of rubbish with giant robot balls bashing together in some eight year olds attempt of humour.

Complaining is useless. Just enjoy the ride. You made it.

You’ve so changed. Where’s the anger? The fire? The art?

Are we even talking about art?

No one else does.

Then I think we should just leave the building.

One Response to “Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen”

  1. Body Detox Diets. Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 4:19 am

    I watched the Transformers cartoon version during my childhood days. It is nice to know that good computer graphics brought the Transformers back again. I wish to see more of the Dinobots in action perhaps on another sequel.

Leave a Reply